Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Ten Songs I Wish I'd Written

These aren't going to be the obvious ones. I mean, we all wish we'd written Imagine and Stairway to Heaven. Some of these might not even be that great. The prerequisites for these songs is that the best way to listen to them is late at night. At full volume while driving around alone in your car. Imagining that you're on a stage. Hitting all those high notes in your mind, but in reality sounding like a dying cat. These are the songs that I wish were mine not necessarily because they're brilliant songs, but because I fantasise about rocking the shit out of them with my imaginary band.

Dirty Hearts by Dallas Crane

I love everything about these guys. I remember seeing them a few (maybe more) years ago at The Zoo and it was one of the best shows I've ever been to. That's saying a lot, because I saw Bryan Adams when I was 12 and thought nothing could possibly be better. Sadly they seem to have disappeared off the face of the earth. The last time I "saw" them was when I was doing my usual late night channel flicking and there they were on my TV. I got very excited, but when they finished I discovered I was watching The Footy Show. I've never been more disappointed.

The Honeymoon is Over by The Cruel Sea

I've had the chance to see Tex not once, but twice and bailed both times. Not quite sure what was wrong with me. Listen to that voice. He is number two in the sexy voice competition. Joe Cocker is number one,  but Tex wins on a technicality because Joe Cocker's face doesn't allow him to win, no matter how much you tell yourself you don't have to look at him when he's singing.

Valerie by The Zutons

Amy Winehouse did a pretty awesome cover of this. Glee did not. Glee ruins everything.

Knockers by The Darkness

I believe in a thing called love? No. Do yourself a favour and play this one over and over. Because I LOVE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH YOUR HAIR! I was so sad when I found out they were no more. I really thought glam was making an awesome comeback.

The Truth About Love by David McCormack & The Polaroids

 So after Bryan Adams introduced me to the wonderful world of live music, the second concert I went to was (and I'm showing my age here) The Presidents of the United States of America (also known as PUSA because that is a bitch to type). PUSA were cool and all, but we're not talking about Peaches here. Custard were the support act, which is where Mr McCormack started out. I wasn't that big on Custard, but when I went to see Tenacious D many years later and found out that this guy was supporting, I got super excited. I enjoyed it, but it was a bit of a weird mix of bands for most of the audience (like that time I saw Kiss supported by Machine Gun Fellatio). Anyway, that story didn't really go anywhere. Enjoy this beautiful modern non-lame power ballad.

I Meant Something To You Once  by Mia Dyson

I found this gem from a free iTunes download. It starts out a bit slow, but stick with it. Everytime I hear it I wish I had a guitar and some talent.

Common People by Pulp

The first time I saw Jarvis Cocker I literally had to run to the show from work because I couldn't get out of a function (if you've ever seen me run, this should amuse you). I was stuck up the back with old hipsters (they exist) who all thought my black glasses were part of my "outfit", rather than a device I wear to keep me from walking into poles and falling down stairs. The second time I saw him was at Waterloo station in London. I was with my friend Kara who had no idea what I was talking about when I kept whispering "there's Jarvis Cocker!". He was dressed like a pimp. A tall, skinny, white, glasses wearing pimp. He was accompanyed by an equally tall 70s clad woman. Kara still had no idea who I was pointing at.
This song has always been my number one choice for karaoke due to the fact that I know all the words and you can get away with speaking it Shatner-style. Unfortunately, most karaoke joints haven't wisened up to this gem and I usually have to throw down some Bon Jovi instead.

Falling Aeroplanes by Darren Hanlon

I have nothing to say about this one. It's perfect as it is.

Get It Together by Beastie Boys (and Q Tip!)

It's hard for me to pick just one Beastie Boys song. There's many a night I dance around pretending to be in a white boy rap band. This one gets props for the shout out to Biz Markie, Ma Bell and the romantic line of "she's the cheese and I'm the macaroni". And often times I will just bust out with "1-2 oh my god!"
Also, lets not forget that this gem manages to rhyme rhythm with jism without batting an eyelid.

How You Like Me Now? by The Heavy

I'm ashamed to admit that I was late to discover these guys. Like, I had to find them on a True Blood soundtrack. That late.

And because bonus tracks are fun:
Everlasting Light by The Black Keys

Feel free to judge me and add your own faves.


  1. People wish they'd written Stairway and Imagine? Sorry but it's 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now' by Starship or nothing it all. Good choices otherwise though. But Pulp's Common People rather than Shatners? What's wrong with you woman?

    1. Big Mannequin fan hey? If we're going Starship I'll have to politely request We Built This City instead. I think 80s power ballads might be worthy of a list of their own, though.

  2. This is glorious and I can guarantee you that all my time tomorrow will be spent doing my own version of this. not even kidding.

    on a side note, what the fuck Kevin? I love Kerryn and you should comment on her blog more but you have NEVER commented on mine and for that I will hate you forever. and ever and ever until the free sandwiches in the lunch room fridge run out.

    Kerryn you're awesome but i can't help but feel you should have included 'More than a Feeling' because Boston are the shiz.

  3. Yes Morgan! Can't wait to see your list! As a fellow Boston fan, I hear ya. I just couldn't decide on only one 80s gem. They really need a list of their own.
    Just throwing it out there.. Kevin might be a bit of a jerk for not commenting on your blog. Not a giant jerk, because he keeps me entertained, but definitely a little bit of jerky in there ;)

  4. HUGE Mannequin fan. And Mannequin 2 with the super foxy Kristy Swanson, aka the original Buffy. Never got into the TV Buffy. That band camp girl is just too goddamn annoying in everything. Also, let's get the new posts happening K-dog.