Not an addict

Crazy, crazy, crazy. Ok, first things first, have you all gone to see Jurassic Park 3D? Because if you haven't, I don't know if we can be friends. I went with this kid last week to see it in gold class. Because the only way to watch Jeff Goldblum be all chaos theory flirting is in a recliner with a couple of beers. I'm not usually a fan of 3D. It seems a bit gimmicky, gives me a headache, and I have to Xzibit my glasses for a couple of hours. But this time it was exceptional. I promise I'm not even biassed one bit. Anyway, it was so good (and I was so excited to see that it was still playing even though it was only meant to be on for a week) that I just booked a ticket to go see it tomorrow morning. Nevermind that I have only two days off work to plan a billion and one things for my trip to Berlin. Oh yeah, I'm going to FREAKING BERLIN! IN EIGHT DAYS!   I still have to figure out how to get to England for a wedding, and plan when I'm going to visit the amazing Miss Laura. But instead I've been productively watching Game of Thrones. Now, if you'll excuse me, these pretzels aren't going to dip themselves in nutella.

"Roar" and such. Pictured: my Nedry glasses. Not pictured: my Jurassic Park shirt which was meant to be pictured. 

Oh, and you should probably watch this. I was way off with the Jake Gyllenhaal thing.

Life finds a way

Probably one of the most uninspiring teaser trailers I've ever seen. But I am still beyond excited. 2012 is this year! There will be dinosaurs! 

Hold onto your butts

We'll get straight into it, shall we? Here's the final Jurassic Park post (read part one and part two first). Of course, being the finale, and containing all the raptors, this is the longest one. Be prepared for picture overload.

 So we've escaped the T. Rex and out-climbed a car. Must be time for bed? Pretty sure I'd be insisting we keep walking and get the hell out of that park. Are dinosaurs nocturnal? Who cares? We're not stopping. And I'm sorry, but I don't feel safe in a tree. Dinosaurs were pretty tall.

 I don't like that Grant threw away his raptor claw fossil. Can I have it? It'd go really good with my mug and glasses. Also, he should be able to see into the future in Jurassic Park 3 where he used the replica voice chamber thing to communicate with the raptors. If they respected that, I think they would respect a dude who's holding a part of their anatomy.

 So we're stopping to shop, yes?

 I'll take the Making of Jurassic Park book. And I can't say no to a stamp set.

 God bless you!

 Grant says sex at least twice while explaining how the dinosaurs are breeding. Those kids are super mature. If that was me and my brother we'd be giggling.

 Spielberg felt the need to slowly zoom in on this.

 I think we can all see why.

 You're welcome.

 Hold onto your butts.

 Uh.. galla.. galifianakis.

 They're uh.. flocking this way.

I feel sorry for Lex. Tim gets all the cool lines.

 So much blood...

 So Ellie and Shorts McGee are going to go see if they can turn the power back on. Colonel Sanders tells them that it's not going to be a walk in the park. They get guns. How come we're worried all of a sudden? We had no problem letting Samuel L. Jackson stroll over and turn the power on not too long ago.

 Derp! I think that leg's still a bit sore.

 We can discuss sexism in survival situations when I get back.

You go, Ellie!

 Now I understand the guns. Gotta protect those legs.

 GO BACK INSIDE NOW! 

 We're being hunted.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the way his hat flaps up, maybe it's because he turns into Douchebag McHunterson, but I just don't like him here. Which is saying a lot, because I judge a person's character by their legs, and so far he was winning that game.

 Keeping the kids entertained in the face of danger. Word.

 When I watched this with my dad, he told me that if someone was electrocuted their hands would clamp onto the wire and they would fry, not get shot off the wire. Electrical stuff was never my strong area in science, and I still don't know who to believe, my dad or Steven Spielberg.

 Our first real look at those raptors. Still not as scary looking as dilophosaurus.

 Oh, Ray/John it's so good to see you.

 Blerg! Maybe not.

 Don't just sit there crying. You are not safe. You are now on the same side of the fence as the guy who just told you that you were being hunted.

 Clever girl.

 This was honestly the first time I ever saw the raptor in this shot. I was always focusing on the snake. See what you can find when you're constantly pausing.

 Three.

 Why is there so much food? They only had a few guests. Is that for the staff? I want to work there now. I don't care if my face gets eaten off by a raptor.

 A still picture does not do justice to just how much wobble she gets on that jelly.

 This was a moment that I didn't understand as a kid. Everyone was freaking out but I couldn't see the dinosaur they were worried about. I guess I should have been taken to the optometrist earlier than age 14.

 Oh yeah, they can totes open doors now.

 This is the most terrifying scene ever. Go on, argue with me ;) I know every single second of this scene by heart and I still jump and get nervous.

 Probably because all I can think of is this.. a six inch retractable claw... slashing me.. spilling my intestines... being alive while they eat me.

 TIM YOU'RE SCARING ME!

 I would like a pet raptor, I think.

 Lex redeems herself here. I love my brothers, but there's no way I'm getting stuck in a kitchen cabinet while a dinosaur charges at me just to save them.

 People.. please don't grab anyone from behind! We don't need any unnecessary scares!

 It's a UNIX system! I know this! 

(I don't. But it looks like it works better than my laptop which is about 15 years younger)

 Tim, this is where I get mad at you. These guys are struggling to keep the door shut. They also really need that gun.

 Instead of walking over there and handing them the gun, you have to hang off the back of your sister's chair and annoy the crap out of her while she tries to save you all. Use your brain, dude.

 Mr. Hammond, the phones are working.

 OH, WILL YOU JUST GO AWAY PLEASE? WE GET IT, YOU'RE SMART AND SCARY. I DON'T WANT YOU FOR A PET ANYMORE. I NEED ALONE TIME!

 Mr. Hammond, I've decided not to endorse your park.

So have I.

 Like a boss.

 Haha.. Ur ass park. 

It's late. I should go to bed.

Grant! What I have I said about sneaking up behind people? Not cool man, not cool. You'll give the poor guy a heart attack.

Well, that's it. Thanks for hanging in there. I hope I've inspired at least one person to go watch this and become as obsessed with it as I am.

Remind me to thank John for a lovely weekend.

Chance it

Hello! Welcome to part two of the amazingness that is Jurassic Park (you can read part one here). We spared no expense. I've had to break it up yet again because, well, it's just so awesome and it's really hard to cut bits out.

Hold onto your butts..

So much for our first tour, two no shows and a sick triceratops. 

It could have been worse, John. It could have been a lot worse.

You know it, Samuel L. Jackson! By the way, why did they change your name? I'm pretty sure you're only ever referred to as Mr. Arnold, but IMDB tells me your character's name is Ray Arnold. In the book his name is John, which I love because there is already another character named John. It's cool because it's so true to life... of course there'd be two Johns in one workplace. It's the little details like that that are cool.

 Anyone want a soda or something? 

No, but I'd really like your mug. And I like your glasses as well while you're offering things.

 Please Nedry, if you're not giving your mug or glasses away can I please at least have some dinosaur embryos? I'd really love the Tyrannosaurus! But please make sure it's spelled correctly.

 As a glasses wearer who has driven in a steamed up car in the rain, I feel your pain.

 Uh uh uh! You didn't say the magic word. 

I'd love to say this to children. Maybe I could annoy them into being polite.

God damn this hacker crap!

 Are they heavy? Then they're expensive. Put them back.

That's my dad right there. I would have put them back, though. Because I was a perfect child, obviously.

 Maybe it's the power trying to come back on?

LOLZ!! It isn't!!

What happened to the goat??

 It served it's purpose.

 Chompity chomp chomp. I love goat!

 Where does he think he's going?

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

I love how calm these two are as they joke about Genaro. While there's a fully grown T. Rex chomping down on a goat just outside the window. Oh, and those electric fences aren't working.

 Lex, you idiot, turn the light off. We're not out in the paddock checking for West Indian lilac poisoning. Her pupils are fine.

 Here's the hero. Showing us how to casually distract a T. Rex.

 Ian freeze! You're pretty cool, you'll never have my flare skills!

 As humiliating as this death is, I'd definately prefer it to something ordinary like a heart attack or cancer. RIP lawyer guy.

 Are we pretty much in agreeance that this is all Lex's fault? If she didn't shine the light in poor Rexy's eyes, she would have just wandered off to find something bigger and tastier to eat. And then once Rexy was distracted with trying to digest a lawyer, Lex has to start screaming. You know, I think she WANTS to get eaten.

 Out of the whole movie, this is the only part that annoys me. The paddock was the same level as the cars before. Now there's a drop of about 50 feet (that was a guess, I have no idea about distances). What's doing there, Spielberg?

 This is the most terrifying dinosaur I have ever seen. It just looks so vicious. 

 We're back in the car again.

At least we're out of the tree.

 Yes! Team Shorts have come to save the day! I like that even though there were five people in those cars, they only bother yelling out to Dr Grant. I get it. We all know who we'd rather find.

 I think this used to be lawyer guy.

I think this did, too.

Ewww.

 Should we chance moving him?

Yes, chance it.

 Anybody here that? It's um... an impact tremor is what it is.

 I'm fairly alarmed here.

 Must go faster, must go faster.

I know he is probably meant to be protecting Ellie in a chivalrous manner, but to me it will always just look like he's copping a feel. 

Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Part three coming soon!

Part 3